The Reconnect Deck.
35 therapist-designed prompts that turn small talk into healing conversations between adult children and their parents.
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Featured in TIME Magazine: Dr. Jenny Shields recently collaborated with TIME senior health editor Angela Haupt on a piece about the meaningful conversations we often avoid, yet deeply need to have. Dr. Shields offers guidance on 10 essential questions—questions that align beautifully with the spirit of the Reconnect Deck, designed precisely to help people navigate complex conversations with clarity, compassion, and courage.
Most of us think we have more time—time to ask the big questions, untangle old knots, or finally speak truths we've held back for years. Regret hits hardest when we realize the time we counted on might never arrive.
We stall because meaningful conversations can feel risky. But missing these moments means losing priceless connections. Imagine deeply knowing your parents—not just their choices but the dreams and fears behind them.
Even when we find the courage, conversations stall in predictable ways:
“Every time I try, Mom launches into a when I was your age…
story.”
“Dad doesn’t want to ‘bother’ me, so we text NFL memes instead of feelings.”
Why it feels awkward
- Outdated roles: You're adults now—but still trapped at the kids’ table.
- Land-mine fear: Family histories hide emotional triggers; we tread carefully.
- Different life scripts: You change jobs yearly; your parents collected stability like trophies.
Structured prompts make it easier. They guide you through four approachable stages.
Stage overview
| Stage | Why it works | Sample prompt |
|---|---|---|
| 1 · Gentle Starters | Creates comfort, reduces anxiety | “Which song have you had on repeat lately?” |
| 2 · Origin Stories | Builds empathy, heals old wounds | “What feelings weren’t allowed when you were a kid?” |
| 3 · Generational Shift | Breaks patterns, fosters adult-to-adult talk | “What cycle are you consciously breaking?” |
| 4 · Forward Pact | Creates rituals, sustains connection | “What small tradition would you love to start?” |
Rules to Remember
Lead with warmth
Curiosity, not critique. Listen like a friend.
Shrink the ask
One meaningful question beats ten shallow ones.
Flag the novelty
Own the awkwardness—explain why you’re digging deeper.
Pair with comfort
Wrap the chat in comfort: coffee, snacks, familiar spot.
Promise an exit ramp
Freedom matters—make it OK to pass on any question.
End on a ritual
Anchor the moment in something memorable.
Ready for conversations worth remembering? The Reconnect Deck handles the awkward part—just choose a stage, ask the question, and listen like your future depends on it.
The Reconnect Deck
How to get started:
Stage 1 of 4: Gentle Starters
Tap a prompt → ask → listen. Two solid questions = victory.
Dr. Jenny Shields
Licensed clinical psychologist & conversation designer helping adults turn small talk into healing talk—at home, work, and everywhere in between.
IN LOVING MEMORY · The Reconnect Deck
Todd E. Daer.
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For the man who gave me the super-power of listening deeply enough to let my mind change